Things I Wish People Wouldn't Say

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling. I don't like it."

"I want you to meet my friend, Helen. She's amazing. You'll absolutely luuuuurve her." (No I won't. I can feel myself bristling already!)

Journalist: "A man was brutally murdered."  (Ever heard of a non-brutal murder. Somehow, by definition, murders aren't loving and kind unless it's a mercy-killing.)

Writers in general: "She sobbed uncontrollably."  (Does anyone - ever- sob while in perfect control?)

Stores / Tour Operators, etc: "Get a free xxx000xxx!!!!"  (That is a complete misappropriation of the word "free" which means unconditional. If it was free you wouldn't need to buy something to get it.)

Anything President Trump says.

Hairdresser: "D'you want product?"  Me: "What product exactly?"  "Hairdressers; "Product, d'you want product?"  Rolls eyes at the ceiling. (OMG, doesn't she know "product" means an item and is not procedure-specific?)

My bank / doctor's practice worker / dental surgery. "Hi Janet."  (Excuse me, but have we actually met?)

"How lovely to see you." (Okay if it's sincere but if you're looking over your shoulder to see if there is someone more interesting around, then it's a deal-breaker.)

Anything Nigel Farage says.

"I'm just here to help."  (Last person that said this to me was a retired chap who saw an ad I put on a local site for someone to do a small window-related job for me. He didn't want to do the job, because he was just off on holiday. He wanted me to contact "his man" who turned out - as I guessed - to be a double glazing company. 

No prizes for guessing what he got out of it. If someone says they want to help you, be very afraid!